Change

Once again a year is slowly coming to an end. Christmas time is approaching. November never passed so quickly. I guess 2018 has been far the most intense and eventful year for me. And believe me, other years have been extremely intense and eventful for me too. I don’t know how personal I should get on this blog, as somehow it is open to the very public, but at the same time I feel like only those who care really keep on reading my posts. Finally, I am only writing this for myself, same as writing into all those notebooks in my shelf.

2018 started with a very lazy day, cuddled up in an Airbnb in cold Malmö with some of those very special humans for me. It seems like yesterday and somehow everything, myself included, has changed so much. I had an idea about the next couple of months back then. A more or less stressful time full of exams and the feeling of many things coming to an end followed. Last lessons, last concerts, last exams, last school day, last grades, last parties, last meeting up with people from school – everything was waiting for me to leave, to say good bye. To finally let go of things and people. To take my life into my own hands. To try to be more or less what I consider to be myself. I travelled in between. Went to Madrid, to my family. To Porto with my grandparents. To Stockholm, with the school choir. To the Netherlands and Belgium – my future home. I had an incredible summer. A summer that never seemed to end (hello ugly climate change). In Berlin. On the Melt! festival. In Leipzig. I turned 18. I went to the North of Spain. Was astonished by Bilbao and the beauty of the of the Picos the Europa. Autumn followed later with a trip to England and the Netherlands once again.

During that time a new era began – the era of my portfolio. The beginning of the continuous question if I wanna be an artist, a creator – if I am capable to be that. I painted, drew, photographed, sewed and visited exhibitions more than ever. I was having a glance onto the feeling of being extremely inspired and extremely frustrated in the very next moment. This was followed by two tough artistic examinations at two fashion universities – one of them the one of my dreams in the city of my dreams.

I f*cking passed my drivers license (at the second) time, which honestly stressed me out a lot. I go to Dutch lessons. I work my ass of, some people there treating me very nice others less. I listened to more music, read more books and magazines, watched more movies and really realized my inner self more than I had ever done before. I am who I am. But I will change. I discovered how really loving someone feels like. Loving so much that you can imagine the pain. The pain caused by change and by being apart. I feel so ready to leave, but yet I am feeling so home as never before. So settled. I feel inner peace somehow. I feel confidence. 2018 has taught me one very important thing:

The only permanent thing in life is change – and I guess I don’t find this circumstance so scary anymore.

XX Sofia

Fairytale

The past summer heat is making my head feel dizzy sometimes. I feel that I need to rest. I really need to rest mentally. Everything is passing by so fast. I say to myself again and again: Enjoy everything, live in the moment. But sometimes I only feel the rush. The fugacity of moments, of motivation and energy. One moment I know what I want, the next I question it all over again. I want to stop thinking I just want to start doing. There is so much beauty in summer colours, but sometimes black and white makes it calmer. Do I know what I want?

XX Sofia

You know how I feel

It’s here again, that divine energy the sun brings you when it decides to shine long and bright for a week (!) in Northern Germany. Everything seems lighter, brighter and a little bit easier, even my finals. I can’t deny anymore that I’m in the middle of the process of being seriously responsible for my future actions and with them my future life. I look at myself in the mirror and to be honest I don’t see that much of a difference comparing to the little girl I used to be.

I guess I’m in the middle of my very own coming of age movie, I’m still figuring out the soundtrack. But I’m sure that I want as many bright pastel colors in it as possible.

And art, much art until I’m very, very old.

XX Sofia

Mirror

Every time I pass by a mirror or something similar that somehow allows me to see a reflection, I can’t help but look very critically at myself. Do my clothes, my hair or anything I consider part of my looks that day look more or less the way I expected? I’m not paranormal, I see so many people doing this every day. But why? I think we forget so often that reflections do not always show how we really look. Your presence, the whole impression you give being there is not a picture, it’s a feeling, an emotion. Of course you see yourself and others do too, but it’s also a feeling you awake with your presence. So remember your reflection is not the whole you, it doesn’t represent all of you.

That being said, last Saturday I’ve been casually walking through Hamburg with a mirror I found at the flea market. The occasion was too tempting to not take some photos…

Have a good week!

XX Sofia

Same same but different

2018, there you are. There is this moment on the 31th December every year when it turns twelve and I ask myself: “Will I and my life really change just because of the fact that a year is over?” In the end it is just a matter of time and the fact that someone decided that after 365 days a year is over. I’m starting this new year in Malmö, Sweden with some great friends. I like the feeling of an ending in December and a new beginning in January. I guess that’s why we need this change of years, to earn new energy and motivation. For this year I want to rush less and take moments for myself, but nevertheless I look forward to new adventures and challenges. I’m sharing some shots taken in our pretty Airbnb.

Have a good start into this new year, make it a good one for yourself.

XX Sofia

End of the year

And then you realize your beloved little agenda looks incredibly old and rubbish and the next days are on the very last pages with the heading “week 52”. Yes, 2017 has come to an end. I look back to a year full of great memories, trips, amazing people but also stress and changes. All in all you have been pretty good 2017 and I am extremely thankful for this year and for all those that cared for me, loved me and believed in me. I can’t imagine a better ending to this year than spending them with great people in beautiful Skandinavia. To finish this year, the year where I started this blog, I wanted to share some of the last months moments with you. The end of November as well as Christmas time were full of…

… days at home or other cozy closed spaces to escape the cold…

…facing the cold on other days and realize that it can be quite magical…

… having very late and opulent breakfasts as well as little treats in between…

… never to forget the festive events filled of music and friends…

…all the art and unique things I have seen…

…of course most of the places are in my beautiful hometown Hamburg.

I wish you a wonderful start into the new year, make it a good one and do me the favor not to go to the gym if you don’t want to, you look amazing even after Christmas food craziness.

XX AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

Sofia

How I manage to be creative

Well, first post in December, month of busyness and calories. I’ve been a little ill these past few days, but hey, it’s winter and freaking cold, so an excuse more to stay home. People, who know me very well, know that I’m the worst being sick. I say to myself: Oh great, now you have time to do all those things you always want to do but you never have time for, such as reading and drawing or tidying my room. But then I notice that I’m too weak to do anything else than sleeping or maybe watching some Netflix (I’m totally obsessed with The Crown lately). And of course I wouldn’t stop complaining all the time how frustrating it is not being able to do all those things and how much I hate being sick. Being sick sucks and I guess me being sick sucks too, especially for my dearest surrounding me. Enough suffering for know, I noticed apart from art at school and homework coming from there, I really need to take more time to draw, as I used to do. The thing with drawing and me is once I’m inspired and started drawing I get in a kind of flow and won’t stop for quite a time. I usually draw women, sort of fashion figurines. Normally I get inspired by beautiful pictures I came across, a good example is the gorgeous Beatrice www.thefashioncuisine.com

Check out her beautiful blog and take your pencils and scribble as there was no tomorrow. I’ll be happy to share some of my latest results. I know my audience is not that big, but I would love to hear if you would like me to write about certain things or share more things as my art. Just let me know!

XX Sofia

Step by step

That’s the way I’m trying to manage my life right now. Week by week, exam by exam. Trying to regenerate on weekends and to spend as much time with those people that fill me with energy, those I love. It’s an endless contradiction between making loads of plans and bringing yourself back to reality that tells you to rest (see previous post). The following pictures were taken at 2 am, talking about rest. Doing that in that moment, was a non important step, but still a step, like everything happening in the past weeks. Life consists in taking steps, always trying to go up, eventually moving down again and sometimes to miss a step and to fall down the whole stairway. Sometimes a stair leads to another floor, a place to stay, a place to rest. Still you can figure out where the next stairs are and continue to the next floor. Of course you can also rest in the middle of the stairs, but careful, other people may stumble upon you. Taking steps means taking risks, making decisions and making memories, good and bad ones. Focus on the next step, don’t try to skip it and to move forward too fast. Or maybe that would also be okay, I don’t know. Not knowing is what makes the stairway interesting. And if it’s a golden one even more. Take you time, take your steps.

XX Sofia

Fotos taken by Daniel Wendt https://www.dwendt.de/ in the Hotel Hafen Hamburg

Rest(less)

November.

For me it’s the month that reminds you that the year is going to end pretty soon. It’s the month where you notice you have to worry about Christmas stuff soon again. It’s the month where I always slow down or at least my inner self does it. I feel so tired these past days, would like to rest. The darkness tells my body to go to bed at 5pm. But my mind is restless. Apart from all the school stuff going on I find myself planning, worrying and stressing me. I want everything. Last Friday I wanted to run. I found myself running like hell through the rain. I was wet all around but it refreshed my mind so much, sometimes you need those things to happen. It feels difficult to accept that the day has a limited amount of hours. I get frustrated in the evenings because my to do list is still so long but my time and energy so little. I know it is the time of the year, it’s always like this. I guess many feel like this. But still for an active person like me it’s difficult to accept certain limits. I don’t like to slow things down, but I think I need to make clearer priorities and ask myself more often if things are worth my precious energy. Cheers with a cup of warm tea on that conclusion and let’s have some rest because tomorrow it’s going to be even worse than just November…

… it’s going to be a Monday in November.

XX Sofia

Photos taken by my boyfriend, make sure to check out his brand new website https://www.tobiaswendt.com/

Botanical Garden, Madrid

Yesterday was one of those days I started stressed out, because I wanted to finish more work for school than was realistic for that morning. But the afternoon turned out to be absolutely calm and inspiring, due to the visit of the botanical garden of Madrid. It’s amazing what green spaces can do to your mental condition. I noticed even more how tired my mind and eyes were from staring at a screen the whole morning. The light was wonderful and the sun shined so bright as usual does here in Madrid. Even though it rained the last days, there is so much more light than in Germany in autumn. This makes me super happy and I feel significantly more energetic. Thinking of the long and dark winter makes me anxious… Anyway I’m happy to share impressions from yesterday’s walk in the botanical garden, which also had a wonderful exhibition in such a cool hall. Make sure to breathe in all that bright autumnal atmosphere. Not the northern idea, where you wrap yourself in blankets and drink tea (not that I don’t enjoy that too…), but the one where you can stay outside all day in the sun wearing sunglasses and a sweater.

XX Sofia

Featuring my lovely sister Natalia

https://www.esmadrid.com/agenda/el-florero-en-flor-real-jardin-botanico link to the exhibition by the artist Jorge Diezma