Once again a year is slowly coming to an end. Christmas time is approaching. November never passed so quickly. I guess 2018 has been far the most intense and eventful year for me. And believe me, other years have been extremely intense and eventful for me too. I don’t know how personal I should get on this blog, as somehow it is open to the very public, but at the same time I feel like only those who care really keep on reading my posts. Finally, I am only writing this for myself, same as writing into all those notebooks in my shelf.
2018 started with a very lazy day, cuddled up in an Airbnb in cold Malmö with some of those very special humans for me. It seems like yesterday and somehow everything, myself included, has changed so much. I had an idea about the next couple of months back then. A more or less stressful time full of exams and the feeling of many things coming to an end followed. Last lessons, last concerts, last exams, last school day, last grades, last parties, last meeting up with people from school – everything was waiting for me to leave, to say good bye. To finally let go of things and people. To take my life into my own hands. To try to be more or less what I consider to be myself. I travelled in between. Went to Madrid, to my family. To Porto with my grandparents. To Stockholm, with the school choir. To the Netherlands and Belgium – my future home. I had an incredible summer. A summer that never seemed to end (hello ugly climate change). In Berlin. On the Melt! festival. In Leipzig. I turned 18. I went to the North of Spain. Was astonished by Bilbao and the beauty of the of the Picos the Europa. Autumn followed later with a trip to England and the Netherlands once again.
During that time a new era began – the era of my portfolio. The beginning of the continuous question if I wanna be an artist, a creator – if I am capable to be that. I painted, drew, photographed, sewed and visited exhibitions more than ever. I was having a glance onto the feeling of being extremely inspired and extremely frustrated in the very next moment. This was followed by two tough artistic examinations at two fashion universities – one of them the one of my dreams in the city of my dreams.
I f*cking passed my drivers license (at the second) time, which honestly stressed me out a lot. I go to Dutch lessons. I work my ass of, some people there treating me very nice others less. I listened to more music, read more books and magazines, watched more movies and really realized my inner self more than I had ever done before. I am who I am. But I will change. I discovered how really loving someone feels like. Loving so much that you can imagine the pain. The pain caused by change and by being apart. I feel so ready to leave, but yet I am feeling so home as never before. So settled. I feel inner peace somehow. I feel confidence. 2018 has taught me one very important thing:
The only permanent thing in life is change – and I guess I don’t find this circumstance so scary anymore.
XX Sofia
Rincon De sofia 